5 Ways to Cope With a Sexless Marriage

veWhat is a sexless marriage? It is a marriage with little or no sexual activities. Experts describe that couples who are having sex 10 times or less in a year is considered living in a sexless marriage. Although it is best for couples to keep a healthy and active sex life, it is not uncommon for couples to live in marriage without sex. Can couples cope with a sexless marriage?

There are many reasons why a marriage becomes sexless. It can be caused by medical issues, couples became too busy with their careers and jobs, having children, exhaustion, lack of sex drive or desire, etc. If you decided to stay in a sexless marriage, no matter what the cause of the lack of sex in your marriage, coping with a sexless relationship needs some work.

Choosing to stay in a sexless marriage is a personal choice but it is worth saving your marriage. Can this kind of marriage work? It don’t work in every marriage but to others, yes, a sexless marriage works. There are couples who are in a sexless marriage for years and yet living a happy, meaningful married life because they’ve learned to cope with a sexless marriage.

Here are some helpful ways to cope with a sexless marriage.

Do not blame yourself or your spouse. The lack of sex in your marriage doesn’t mean you are no longer desirable or attractive. There are many reasons behind a sexless marriage and it is an issue that both you and your spouse are involved so it is not entirely your fault. Do not blame your spouse either because blaming is not the solution to this issue but it will just aggravate the situation. You and your partner are in this together so it is best to face this issue together to find the best solution. It is less challenging to cope with a sexless marriage if you will stop blaming each other.

Have an agreement or compromise. It is important for both partners to talk about the lack of sex in their marriage. It is best if you both agree and decided to live a meaningful and happy married life despite the lack of sex in your relationship. It is not easy, as you both may encounter trials and challenges while trying to cope with a sexless marriage but what is important is that you communicate about it and be able to find the middle ground, compromise and come out with an agreement. You both have to work hard together than other couples to be able to cope with a sexless marriage.

Explore other ways to stay emotionally and physically connected. Understand that emotional intimacy in a marriage cannot be attained through sexual intercourse only. Although it may be true that sex is one of the best ways for couples to connect emotionally, the lack of sex doesn’t mean your marriage is doomed. There are other ways for spouses to stay emotionally connected. Lack of sex is not uncommon in a marriage and there are celibate couples who lead a meaningful and happy married life. Stay emotionally and physically connected with each other. Emotional intimacy is not only about sexual intimacy but it is more about matters of the heart. Emotional connection with each other doesn’t always involve your genitals. Explore other ways to stay connected with each other. Emotional connection can be made by making time for each other, communicating regularly, listening to each other, opening up with each other, doing things together, playing together, creating new hobbies or memories together, taking a vacation or couples retreat together. Explore other ways to stay physically intimate with each other. Hugging each other more, kissing regularly or massaging your spouse are some ways to stay physically connected with each other.

Work on the issues behind your sexless marriage. There’s nothing much you can do if the reason behind your sexless marriage is a medical issue but to accept the reality and try your best to cope with a sexless marriage. If the reason for the lack of sex in your marriage is something else, it is best to work on the issues together. If it’s not a medical issue, what’s causing your lack of sex drive? Is the lack of physical intimacy a result of unresolved marital issues? Is your careers or individual issues causing you to drift apart? Sometimes the lack of sex is not the problem but it is the result of other issues in your marriage. While you may both consider that it is okay not to have frequent sex with each other, still it is best to work on the underlying issues to make sure that your marriage is okay and there are no unresolved issues. If you need help to resolve the issues causing your sexless marriage, do not hesitate to seek help. It is best to exhaust all possible solutions to save your marriage.

Focus on the wonderful things your marriage have and not what’s lacking in your marriage. It can be more challenging and frustrating to cope with a sexless marriage if you will keep thinking about what is lacking in your marriage so stop being negative and start focusing on the positive side of your marriage. Sex maybe one important part of a marriage but there are other things in your marriage that you should be grateful and those things may serve as reasons why you should continue loving and respecting your spouse. Is the lack of sex in your marriage enough reason to leave your marriage? I hope not, because true love must be beyond sex.

Talk of Orgasm Does Not Necessarily Lead to More Sex

sxzIronically (because only men’s responsiveness declines with age) women are often more sexually active when younger. Once a woman has children she is much less motivated by sex. Women are more confident about admitting that intercourse does not cause orgasm as they age, by acquiring status or wealth or through education. Women today say they have orgasms during sex and yet they are less amenable than older generations.

Andrea Burri’s notes that ‘female sexual dysfunction’ (FSD) is increasing: “One of the diagnostic criteria for FSD is feeling distressed. But what causes the distress? Is it the condition itself, or is it what you think is expected of you and in turn, what you start expecting of yourself? The way sex is portrayed in the media and in films often provides us with a base of comparison that is not always realistic for the individual.” (2011)

For men, any lower body contact with an attractive partner is erotic and therefore, to varying degrees, emotionally fulfilling. Men perceive women to be ‘inhibited’ because they assume that women should naturally be aroused as men are by physical proximity to a lover. In fact women’s lack of responsiveness means they do not respond to sexual scenarios as readily as men do. This is not inhibition but simply the way women have evolved.

The Italian researchers Vincenzo & Giulia Puppo explain the key misunderstanding: “Many men think long intercourse is the key to having orgasms during intercourse, but long intercourse is not helpful to women and some females may be grateful to get it over with quickly… The majority of women worldwide do not have orgasms during intercourse: as a matter of fact, female sexual dysfunctions are popular because they are based on something that does not exist, i.e. the vaginal orgasm.” (2014)

Both sexes feel responsible for female orgasm through intercourse and the resulting taboo makes it difficult to find answers. Telling women that they should orgasm through intercourse causes disappointment and frustration. Women end up accepting their unresponsiveness as an excuse for not making any effort in sex. Telling women they need to take an interest in sex for their lover’s sake (in return for his engagement on more emotional and romantic interaction) may work for those who can cope with such honesty.

Women’s genitalia change significantly as they age. I found that increased vaginal secretions made intercourse more comfortable over time but I have no sense of arousal. I offer vaginal intercourse when I know my own arousal is unlikely or once I have had a climax through clitoral stimulation.

39 Magic Affirmations to Ramp Up Your Sex Life

c23Have you ever utilized the power of positive affirmations?

Some say you can reach any goal, including improving your sex life, with positive thinking. Though we believe some things are out of reach no matter what you do, positive affirmations can help you with what is within reach.

After years of empirical research, we believe all areas of life, including your sex life, are greatly impacted by your present and past life experiences. Your personal timing and destiny (the same thing as fate) reflects your past and present.

The good news is that although a lot in your life is predestined, you have free will to make the most of your destiny with your thoughts, within the boundaries of your fate.

If you’d like to improve your sex life, you can use affirmations to your advantage.

However, it’s helpful to first realize that thoughts are affected by beliefs, and everyone’s beliefs of sex are tainted by two major influences:

1) Subconscious past life memories of bad experiences with sex

2) Society’s oppressive view that sex, unless within a marriage, is dirty or wrong

Once you acknowledge these influences, they’re easier to overcome or at least work around.

Below are 39 magic affirmations for incredible sex. Pick one and focus on it for a week or more. Then try another. Your subconscious mind will accept them if you repeat them often enough.

Note: subliminal MP3s or affirmations work whether you use “you” or “I.” But, “you” can be more effective if you are skeptical or don’t yet believe the affirmations, and “I” can work better if you don’t like following direction. Repetition will help conquer either hurdle.

Note: We are advocates of safe sex, especially if you are single or aren’t 100% certain your partner is always 100% faithful, and recommend this important affirmation: My health is important, thus safe sex is required for me.

1) I am passionate about expanding my sexual knowledge.

2) The immense universe of sexual pleasure is mine to explore.

3) I have the capability to become an incredible lover.

4) It’s a turn-on to bring pleasure to my partner.

5) I choose to focus on sexual pleasure instead of specific acts.

6) I enjoy sexual spontaneity and creativity

7) I love my body and the ways it brings my partner and me pleasure.

8) I enjoy sex more when I relax and connect with my body.

9) I forget about having to perform and instead focus on what feels good.

10) I’m confident I can bring out the best in my partner and myself.

11) I let go of comparisons and focus on the pleasure in my body and being present.

12) I enjoy the moment and release expectations.

13) I savor the euphoric feeling of letting go.

14) I have more control when I’m present in my body.

15) Exploring a partner’s pleasure gives me great pleasure.

16) I slow down and relish every moment of sexual pleasure.

17) I’m letting go of the past and discovering the ecstasy of being a confident and sexual person.

18) It’s okay to express my feelings.

19) I’m choosing to create a satisfying sex life.

20) I love to communicate with my partner about what turns us on.

21) I enjoy experimenting with what my partner wants.

22) I forget about performing and savor the pleasure of being with my partner.

23) I respect myself as I enjoy every moment of sexual exploration.

24) I open to the sexual flow with my partner.

25) Sexual pleasure is my prerogative and I’m ready to go for it.

26) I now perceive sex as a healing, natural, and caring act.

27) I am responsible for my orgasm.

28) I feel more sexual pleasure when I let go.

29) My vulnerability is part of my power.

30) I breathe, relax and open to pleasure.

31) As I accept myself more, I become more desirable and attractive.

32) My body is the ultimate pleasure temple.

33) I’m feeling the power of my sexual glow.

34) I’m letting go and letting my sexual energy flow.

35) I’m honest and direct and communicate what I need.

36) I’m saying yes to sexual pleasure.

37) Great sex is important for my health and well-being.

38) My sexual desire is healthy and natural.

39) Exploring my sexual pleasure is my right.

Now that you’re aware how your thoughts impact your reality, you can use these affirmations for incredible sex.

7 Ways to Fix a Sexless Marriage and Get Your Sex Life Back on Track

xcSex is vital in every romantic relationship because it helps couples to stay connected with each other emotionally and physically. But what if sex leaves the bedroom or if couples rarely or have no sexual activities at all anymore? A sexless marriage is defined as a marriage where couples have little or no sexual activities with each other. A couple with less than 10 sexual intercourse in a year can also be considered in a sexless marriage. The absence of sexual intimacy in a marriage is not always bad, if both spouses honesty feel that they are satisfied and happy in their relationship even without an active sex life, then a sexless marriage is okay and works for them. But if the lack of physical intimacy in a marriage is not okay and makes a spouse feel unloved and unhappy, it is best to fix a sexless marriage as early as possible before it could lead to other marital problems.

At the beginning of marriage, couples usually cannot take their hands off each other and have sex as frequent as they can but sadly, couples in a long-term relationship like marriage tend to have less and less sex through the years. The frequent times a week becomes once a month and the once a month becomes twice or thrice a year to nothing at all. Believe it or not, there are married couples who no longer have sex with each other, not even once in a year. They get too familiar with each other, too stressed, too busy, too preoccupied with marital responsibilities, not in the mood, neglected, hurt, etc. and the list of excuses goes on and physical intimacy begins to fade, they become just roommates instead of lovers. To fix a sexless marriage, couples should do something to keep the sex going in the relationship. The following ways can be very useful to fix a sexless marriage.

Address the problem as early as possible. There are reports saying that it is best for couples to have regular sex at least once a week to keep the intimacy and connection with each other. If you and your spouse haven’t had sex for a couple of months now, you have to ask questions and seek help as soon as possible so that months don’t become years. Sexual inactivity or sexual deprivation could result to other negative feelings and behaviors like detachment, depression, anger, anxiety, frustration, feeling of rejection, etc. Couples may also become susceptible to extra-marital affairs, thinking that if they cannot get if from their spouse, they should get it somewhere else. The longer it takes for you and your spouse to address the problem, the harder and more challenging it would be to fix a sexless marriage.

Help each other to get back on track and get into the mood for sex again. It takes effort and team work to fix a sexless marriage. Couples should help each other if they want to bring back the physical intimacy and passion in their marriage. Be open and honest with each other and talk about sex in your relationship, how it becomes dry through the years and what both of you can do to zest up your sex life and become sexually active again. Break the routine and do something new. Send the kids to grandma and grandpa or have a nanny takes care of them so that you and your spouse can enjoy alone time with each other without thinking about the children. Turn the phone off and get rid of possible distractions. Take a vacation, a trip together or a marriage retreat. Watch and read erotic movies or stories together. Talk about each other’s sexual fantasies or desires. If you can’t work things out on your own, it is best to seek professional help, counseling or therapies.

Include sex in your plans and schedule. It may sound like a task or a job but think of it as something that you need to accomplish on a regular basis to keep the intimacy and passion in your marriage. If sex is included in your plans and schedule, you are committed and you’ll make time for it and you’ll make sure you’re prepared for it. If you want to fix a sexless marriage and if you want a marriage with a healthy sex life, you have to commit to make it happen. It as an important task to keep your relationship and your sex life healthy. Couples who regularly have sex tend to feel more intimate and closer with each other. Regular sex is good not only to your marriage but also to your physical and mental health.

Be sweet, make a request instead of complaining. If you feel that you’ve been turned down many times, it is best not to complain but make a sweet request. Complaining makes the problem even worse. Who would want to have sex with someone who complains a lot? It is better to be more positive and choose to interpret his or her lack of enthusiasm to have sex in a kindest possible way and do not choose the ugliest reasons or interpretations. Being too negative will not fix a sexless marriage. A sweet request to your spouse could melt his or her heart and has a better chance of success than complaining that you haven’t had sex lately. Be romantic and choose the best time that your spouse is in good mood. If you cannot make a request verbally, write a letter to your spouse to express your love and your desires to passionately share the bed with him or her.

Examine and analyze yourself. If you feel that you are in a sexless marriage due to your lack of sex drive or interest towards sex and you want to fix a sexless marriage, analyze why you don’t want sex anymore or why you don’t enjoy it anymore. There must be a reason behind it. There could be a psychological and physical side on it. It could be a physical condition that needs to be checked by a doctor or it could be an emotional thing or a negative feeling that needs to be addressed.

Be realistic and look past that weight or shape issues. Women could gain weight through the years due to child-bearing or other reasons and men could acquire beer belly but couples should be realistic that most people change in shapes and sizes through the years and these should not prevent couples from enjoying a healthy and active sex life. Make your spouse feel that she or he is still attractive and lovable in whatever size and shape he or she is in. However, if shapes and sizes are such big things to you and you want to see your spouse in a good shape, deal with it in a positive way. Do physically challenging things together like sports or go to the gym together to be healthy and fit but do not allow the weight issues ruin your sex life.

Have a regular date night. If you want to fix a sexless marriage, start outside the bedroom. Couples should remain in love and romantic even outside the bedroom. If you keep dating and the romance is still alive, getting back on track and reigniting your sex life could be less challenging. The common mistake couples commit is that they stopped dating once they’ve said their “I do’s.” It is best for couples to make time for regular dates. Couples are not only providers, not only parents but they are also lovers. Do not allow the responsibilities of married life take away the romance in your marriage. Date a lot because chances are, after a romantic date, you’ll end up in bed sharing intimate moments with each other.