Well I know I just got about 60 million (number of married men in the US) high fives but fellas before you celebrate we have a little work to do ourselves and trust me I will get into it in a few.
Now ladies before you beat me up about the initial title this is not a bashing this is me doing my best at bringing some comic relief to a situation that is serving as an intimacy assassinator in lots of households.
I only share because I am 100% committed to helping us all reach optimal levels of intimacy in our individual marriages.
Yes I also know that I just set myself up for a battle.
I haven’t even completed my thoughts towards this article and I know my darling wife JeanMarie has already drafted a retaliation post. LOL (I love you honey!)
Wives please listen very carefully. What your husband sees at home and in the bedroom is vital to taking care of his physical intimacy needs. That doesn’t in anyway take away from what you need at all. Keep in mind that you as his wife have 100% responsibility in taking care of this need for him. Nobody else legally should be fulfilling them in any way.
Let me pause by saying as married couples we cannot wait for our spouses to respond to our individual needs before giving them what they need and desire. Somebody has to start the giving process and that somebody is YOU. That’s right even if you are always the one who is giving. We have to stop keeping score on who does what in the marriage. That too can be devastating to the way we connect as husband and wife.
I understand that this is something millions of men are dealing with on a daily basis and some have gotten fed up with even talking about it. (Don’t ever get TIRED of communicating. As we improve on our delivery and serving the message may one day be received and change will be inevitable.)
Yes ladies I get it. We love the end result that you get from the night time beauty treatments too… But UMMMM!
“Not EVERY night!” (Which by the way was the initial title until JeanMarie told me to change it.)
Intimacy is mostly physical for most men. It doesn’t mean we aren’t emotional it just means physical is usually our dominant force that moves our emotions.:lol: Most of us have this image embedded in our heads of what sexy is and for the most part YOU are it for us… Just not with the fancy combination pictured below AKA “The Honey you aren’t getting any tonight kit”
Okay I joke because we as husbands are always physically attracted to you. More times than none if we just catch a glimpse of your “skin” we are visually stimulated and still want sex.
In that same breath ladies give us a break in your night time apparel. It’s okay and inviting if you come to bed with nothing on but your oil or lotion trust we won’t complain. Don’t worry about getting cold; come close because we will keep you warm right after we have had great sex. LOL
But in all seriousness some nights come to bed with some sexy lingerie that we picked out together or bought for you, put your makeup on, put on your HIGHEST HEELS, spray your perfume and throw on a wig for a little variety.
Make it fun! Come up with a few alter egos and rock your husband’s world like you just met (for those of us who didn’t wait until marriage).
*Find out what your husband likes and go for it.
Husband’s do yourself and your wife a favor by being very attentive to her and thank her for her effort as she is 11 times out of 10 doing it for you.
PERSPECTIVE IS IMPORTANT
A lot of times you will hear wives say “No I am not wearing that because I am not a hooker, prostitute, stripper or it makes me look fat. In reality you don’t like any of those to us as husbands as long as we are in the privacy of one another. As a matter of fact the world has gotten it wrong again. How did those professions get to take credit for that awesomeness of attire? To be 100% honest with you they were given that without a fight.
The prostitute/stripper/streetwalker is dressed up in fantasy gear that a wife wears or should war for her husband to spice up the marriage bed.
That’s right she is trying to be like you without the reservations that you may have.
I’m serious! Look up some of the stores that sell bedroom apparel. They even call the clothing or lack there of intimates.
Intimate by definition means close having, involving, or resulting from a close personal relationship; quiet and private or secluded, enabling people to feel relaxed with each other.
So you see this kind of clothing was designed for the marriage bed the most Intimate relationship between a Man and a Woman.
Husband’s keep in mind that money is what erases the reservations from porn stars/strippers/prostitutes. Most women are not hard wired to express themselves sexually like this without some type of consolation. (Hint: Husband’s find out what it takes to erase some of your wife’s reservations. You won’t find out unless you talk to her.)
She may also say…
“I don’t want to wear it because it makes me feel uncomfortable!”
Now this is an issue that either comes from the husband’s lack of attention and compliments on how beautiful your body looks to him or you might suffer from some insecurity issues that must be worked out immediately. Husband’s tread lightly and be sure to help them work through these insecurities and wives reward them for their effort.
One of the worst things you can do is punish your spouse because of faulty thinking. If your husband asks you to wear fantasy clothing take it as a compliment.
Disclaimer: Don’t wear it with an attitude just to please him or frump around because you think it makes you look ridiculous that can wreck the whole night and cancel out your phenomenal progress. Husband’s when you see her put on the biggest grin/smile and make her feel like the most beautiful woman in the world.
Ladies we think you look your best when you feel like your best. So really try to remember why you are doing this and use that to fuel your confidence.
Oh yeah don’t worry if the material feels a little uncomfortable because if you wear it right you won’t have it on long anyway.
Husband’s once again if your wife starts to make any changes recognize her for it immediately. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot. Would you continue to do something that you really weren’t all that thrilled about only to receive the same reaction as you received before making the changes? You better listen to me because if you don’t fill up her love tank for making the extra effort watch how quickly she will stop.
Get into character…
“Sex is often times a planned event when you are married. Don’t feel bad about that. Sure a little spontaneity is fun but at least you are prioritizing to make physical intimacy a priority in your marriage.”
To take total control over his mind start early on in the day and don’t wait until it is time for bed so you both will already be in character and warmed up.
Call him during the day while at work and flirt a little and say something that will set him off and let him know you have to go and hang up the phone. Send him a sext message to let him know you can’t wait for your appointment this evening.
If you play this out right he will do almost anything to get to you. If you need time to set up have him do things that you would normally have to do that often times get in the way of your physical intimacy. The moment everything is done run his shower for him and tell him to get in and maybe join him…
Whatever you do stay in character and have lots of FUN. Most importantly leave your “Honey you aren’t getting any tonight” kit tucked under the bed. NOPE just go ahead and burn it! I’m joking we understand that sometimes you just want to be comfy, cozy and relaxed. After a great week of sex I guess it’s OK for you to put it on once a week everybody needs a day of rest. LOL
Before I end I want to give a special shout out to high heels and what they do to enhance the female anatomy. You are the pedestal that holds up my queen!
Okay I’m done. In the next article we will talk about initiating sex so we aren’t just showing up to bed and asking “Do you want some tonight?” (That to me feels like a cloud of cigar smoke blown in my face)
Remember great, fun and adventurous sex was designed for The Marriage Bed!