Redefining Your Perception on Marriage

adSo many singles just hear that people are getting married and want to do same for the wrong reasons. They do not know what they are getting themselves into. The glamour of the wedding beclouds their judgement and the promise of a happy life ever after propels them to make decisions with their heads and not their hearts. No matter how many marital books you read or marriage seminars you attend, you can never be too prepared for marriage. There’s nothing like the real deal, so learn to manage your expectations so that you don’t get disappointed. Many singles think that they will be good marriage counselors because of the wealth of knowledge they garnered from books, only to get married and realize that it is easier to assess others than to be assessed. They soon discover the difference between literature and reality.

Many people have painted for themselves, a lovey-dovey picture about marriage portrayed by Rom-Com movies and Romance novels and this make singles fantasize and anticipate a perfect marriage. Romance is a good thing but just before you dive in, stop and ask yourself if you’re actually thinking before acting; The reason is because we keep making the same mistakes with our choices and do not learn from the experiences of others. The fact that some people come to social media on wedding anniversaries and write about how good, caring and supportive their spouse had been or how wonderful their marriage had been doesn’t mean that it is the true picture; they may be covering up their mess or hiding the scars from salvaged marriages.

Ladies, a man may mistakenly put you in the family way and make you have a baby out of wedlock but that doesn’t make him a husband; mistakes happen, learn, move on and don’t give up on yourself. Remember, there are many daddies out there but few fathers. Many are simply sperm donors with no accountability whatsoever. Don’t allow any man answer your crucial questions with motivational speeches like “I’m young and promising and capable of making you happy” when he doesn’t even have a job, incapable of getting one, lacks ideas on how to create one or simply clueless. Security in marriage is not found in men with 6-pack; a well-built man is attractive but a well-built home is long lasting and fulfilling. Don’t be a liability looking for accomplished men to attach yourself to for a better future; be a successful single and then accomplish greater things with your spouse.

Gentlemen, many of the hour-glass shaped ladies with long legs and smooth skins in the magazines you drool over are not found in homes but in the photo studios. When you do see them and that’s if you ever do, ask them how long it took them to look that way, how many people helped them look that way and ask their photographers how long it took them to complete their Photoshop. A wife and mother has got no such time; her hands will be rough from cooking your meals and doing your dirty laundry; her body will be battered from bearing your children. So, be careful what you wish for; wife materials are not groomed in public places. If you’re not a proper bachelor, you can hardly become a good husband; If you do not learn how to manage yourself and your resources as a single, you can hardly manage a home. Don’t start a family when you know you cannot provide for the basic needs; it’s a shame!

Please don’t get me wrong, no one is perfect; everyone is striving to be the best to their loved ones. We do not have the luxury or the capacity to mold the kind of partner we want; hence the need to look out for who we think is right. Please note that marriage is more about companionship, responsibility, accountability and sacrifice and less about sex, freedom, rings and titles of Mr. and Mrs. Do not marry just to make others happy and live in misery all your life. Do not marry out of pity, I cannot overemphasize this. Do not marry because 99.9% of people believe you’re good together. People change every day and marriage exposes everyone with time. People may pretend for years in relationships but in marriage, it takes just few days or months for the reality to set in.

Finally, guard your heart diligently. Do not rush into marriage now only to rush out a couple of months later. Age is a number; it shouldn’t be your number 1 reason for diving in. Study your partner carefully, do not be blinded by love or lust and neglect the details. Look, before marriage, you will be familiar with the big issues; it is the tiny details you overlooked that will do the damage. Do not marry if you’re incapable of forgiving your partner. I hear people say marriage is to be enjoyed and not endured; actually, prepare for both. There are so many marital victims out there, don’t be one of them and if you are, pray your way out of it. Look before you leap and just like a swimmer, do not dive into a pool that you have not properly assessed its depth; you may end up striking your head at the bottom and the damage may be irreparable.